Managing is Child's Play

Am currently dipping in and out of a book by a child psychologist (David Coleman) called “Parenting is Child’s Play” and it got me thinking about how some of his suggestions could also apply to managing a team.

Am sure that we can all agree that both parenting and managing are anything but easy and we have all experienced, on one side or the other, how both can go horribly wrong.

But here are a few tips from the parenting book that can help any manager.

Communication:
My big takeaway, as a new dad, is the emphasis on getting down to the child’s eye line and communicating instructions or discipline face to face but also on the same eye level. Barking instructions from five feet about the child will be scary while shouting at them from the kitchen as the kid is doing something in other room is not going to work either (other than get us more frazzled as they don’t pay attention). Neither creates the connection of eye to eye contact

So I believe it goes with reports – key instructions need to be done face to face, eye to eye so that both parties are paying attention and getting the message. Email or voicemail are fine for follow up but do the initial conversation eye to eye. Remember, over 90% of communication is through our tone and gestures.

What if your report is remote? You need to still make that effort to deliver the really key messages face to face – there is no substitute.

The “getting to their eye level” is definitely working for me as a dad – how can you make it happen more for you and your reports?

Discipline:
The parenting book is teaching me lots about discipline. Am trying to move from a raging shouter dad to a measured and in control dad (trying!). What I am learning is;


- Make direct eye to eye contact – see above

- Give a warning – “if you do ……then….” – it helps me get the thing off my chest and gives the child a chance to react

- Explain why they are being disciplined – make it clear that “because you did ….. I am now doing …..”

- When the discipline is over, its over – a biggy for me – after the punishment I am learning to tell my boys that I love them and we hug. Now am not suggesting this for your reports but I do believe you should make clear that when the issue is over, it’s over and no grudge will be held – it’s time for closure and to move on.

In work, are you able to provide tough feedback and then move on?

Don’t pay too much attention to the bold child:
With three young boys, diner/lunch/breakfast can all be a challenge and there is a high chance that one of them is up to something. I can get so immersed in dealing with the naughty one that he ends up getting all my attention. One can see the other two thinking “ah! So if I do this, daddy will talk to me too”.

In work, how often do you find your time and energy focused on the low or problem performer? Are you ensuring the good performers are also getting your time or are you sending a message of “you only get my attention when you do something wrong?”

Managing and parenting are both tough but they also provide some of the best and proudest moments you can have.

The above tips are making me think more cleverly as a dad and hence helping me and the boys enjoy are time together more.

Could they help do the same for you and your reports?

Colm